3 May, 2015
Dear Bret,
Man, does life suck without you! Today, I had to bury a pet for the first time
since you died. I have been to funerals
of friends and family since you left for Heaven, but I have never had to pick
up a dead pet and wrap it up for burial.
This very act just made me again, realize how much you did for me and
how kind and compassionate you were towards me when it came to our pets. They are all lovingly buried on the ridge
above our driveway, with graves dug by you and your tractor, and stakes
designated for our special dogs, White Fange and Snuggles. I don’t think I can put another one of our
dogs or cats on that hill, because I cannot handle the physical digging, much less the
emotional state it will place me in. From my last count, we have buried two dogs and four of our cats there.
So tomorrow, I am taking my stray cat,
Sammy, who adopted me after you died, to the vet for them to take care of. He was a very large, beautiful gray and white
tomcat that showed up one day and would hide under the cars. He would barely
come to me, at first. Then, as time passed, he became one of the “cat family,” showing
up randomly, spending the night in the garage and eating the food the other
cats ate. For a while, he only came about once a week, but about the last half
of this year, he was there every single day.
Sammy was practically always the first cat who ran into the house, he
became so tame. So, when it came to
burying him, about the best I could do without you here, Bret was to take him
to the vet in the morning. In the
meantime, my day, Sunday, with all of my plans, has been completely stalled,
and I have been sitting in your chair, cuddling with the dogs in pretty much a
vegetative state. You died on a Sunday,
and if it weren’t for church, I would have continued to hate that day of the
week. I had to ask God for strength to
pick Sammy up off the road, after he was hit by a truck, and wrap him up in a
blanket and a box this afternoon.
What is funny, is even though I need you desperately, and I
miss you dearly, our Lord always comes through and gives me what I need to deal
with the next crisis. If it weren’t for
the fact that He loves me so much, and that you taught me to be a strong woman,
who knows who she is, I would have melted away a long time ago!
So thank you for just another way that
you showed your love for me, by putting up with my animal fetish and letting me
fall in love with and keep pets. They
have been a big difference for me without you here. I love you, Bret, and there isn’t a day that
goes by that I don’t sorely know how much I am lacking without you in my
life. I so, so, so, so, so, so, so
cannot wait until God brings me to Heaven, to be with Him and you forever!!!
